I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
