i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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