Your mouth is God's brothel.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
