This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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