well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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