Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
