My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
