i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
