why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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