apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
