got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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