I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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