and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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