she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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