Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
