Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
