just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Randomize
