hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
