my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
