I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
