I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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