and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
