you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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