so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
