An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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