She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
