Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize