Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Floor bacon is actually really good
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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