We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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