at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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