you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
