i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
