I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Pants are for mortals
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