Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
