people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
