i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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