he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's shark week go big or go home
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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