I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
