im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
wow bdsm is so cute
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
