I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
