Sober January is a disaster.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
