If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize