i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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