dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
