Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
