NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
