I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
