1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Actions speak louder than pants.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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