im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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