his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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