Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
