god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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