even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
