if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
