I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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