He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
