I'm eating all of the evidence.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
