Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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