im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
