why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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