It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
