I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
