i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I got inside last night via doggy door
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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