just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
