Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Randomize
