Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
