is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
