friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Randomize
