Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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