You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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