BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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