Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
