In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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