Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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